Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

Sure, Halloween isn’t until Monday. But I dare any of you to tell me with sincerty that you’re not going out all weekend. So, here are some ideas which will only be helpful if you’ve already exhausted the possibility of every vaguely-sexual animal/super hero/thing made out of your old clothes/your normal clothes with a scary mask.

Some non-offensive racial/nationality stereotype.

See if people still get offended!

( I’m dutch you assholes, get out of my grill.)

The physical depiction of the shame you feel about your past dating choices.

Looked at the Facebook of my ex-boyfriend from like four years ago for the first time in probably six months, saw these things:

1. No I didn’t read back ‘that far’ it’s like literally the only two things he’s posted in that amount of time (which actually kinda makes it worse).

2. Osama was not a dictator you idiot.

Anyway, print off shit like this and tape it to your shirt. That’s your costume, and maybe someone will fuck you out of pity if nothing else.

Your worst personality trait.

Tape some sponges to your shirt cuz you are self-absorbed. Carry a box of cornflakes cuz you are flaky. OR just show up in your normal clothes and be like “I am a selfish, undateable dickbag!!!!” and no one will wish your outfit depicted it.

The way you think you will die.

Mine’s a cheeseburger, just saying.

Some socially-conscious asshole. Just wear like generic sweatpants and then tell everyone you know you are just avoiding wearing an even inadvertently racist/slutty/bigoted/privledged costume.

Jennifer Lopez. If you even considered this upon reading the suggestion, go home. I hate you.