A Non-Exhaustive List of Things that Trigger My Anxiety

Radio commercials about people with IRS debt (I have never had IRS debt)
Any comment, positive or negative, my mom makes about my appearance
Opening the mail
Waiting for WellsFargo.com to load
When the guy I’m dating texts me
When the guy I’m dating doesn’t text me
When my boss has unexplained absences from her office (I assume she’s talking to HR about how they are going to fire me)
Thinking about my dog’s mortality :( (FUCK YOU MARLEY AND ME, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU)
When I look in the mirror and look worse than I thought I did
When I try something on while I’m shopping and look hideou.
When everything I try on to wear that day look disgusting
Looking at my moles
Watching medical-themed TV shows
Commercials about strange and rare illnesses I may have
Coughing
Hearing noises when I drive my car
Thinking I hear noises when I drive my car
Thinking about hearing noises when I drive my car
Missing my exit
Being late
Other people’s passive-aggressive Twitter status updates that may or may not be aimed at me (unlikely aimed at me)
People I used to respect relentlessly Tweeting about their boyfriends/’perfect’ life inspiring me to hover over the ‘unfollow’ button
Every day I check my bank account except the three following pay day
Missing calls from unknown numbers
Voicemails
When I get a flirty text from an unknown number, because I delete numbers religiously when, if even for a second, I don’t want to talk to someone anymore
Damien Rice
North Korea/basically all those angry countries that hate America and probably have nuclear weapons
Global warming
Thinking about having to work for a Chinese factory in the future when America dies :(
Dead relatives.
The things that are probably in my sheets unless I wash them everyday. “Body soil.”
Sad looking senior citizens
Top Chef
Stephen King novels
Internet poetry
Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me/in a stupider field (i.e. real estate)

http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

I was straight sobbing for the last 10 minutes of Marley and Me! Jesus. Abt to start crying now thinking of it. Dogs are better than people. Maybe b/c they’re neutered?
Catherine

IT’S LIKE YOU WROTE MY LIFE.
Anonymous

A Brief List Of Things That Trigger MY Anxiety:

1. Reading the line below- but then reveling in the fact that my “dumber” occupation has resulted in apparently a level of happiness, confidence and financial stability the author clearly does not possess.
“Learning of people’s occupational successes if they are younger than me/ in a dumber field (i.e. real estate)”
PS Johanna- “Dumber” isn’t a word. The actual definition of the word cannot be comparative.
http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/ phiLOLZophy

It’s used in vernacular all the time.
Anonymous

Of course it is. The irony is that a writer hating on a perceived lesser profession is misusing grammar, which is, what I believe to be the “be-all-end-all” of a successful writer.
http://philolzophy.tumblr.com/ phiLOLZophy

You’re wrong. People who are interested in using the ‘correct’ word vs the one that viscerally captures what they are trying to say make shitty writers.
Anonymous

Bitch Detente, engage?

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A Non-Exhaustive List of Things that Trigger My Anxiety

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