A Non-Exhaustive List of Things I Don’t Understand About Dudes

Retarded??  Jesus. I really like this sight, but that’s just a deal breaker. http://www.r-word.org/ 

As a disabled feminist I have to tell you that your ignorant use of “retarded” in describing dudes who don’t want to date you is really fucking childish and hurtful. There have been plenty of campaigns/PSAs aimed at eliminating the usage of the r-word. How did you miss that? 

It probably doesn’t mean much to you, but yeah, I’m never reading your blog again. 

Playing videogames can’t be worse than watching reality television. My old roommate wore Ed Hardy, un-ironically listens to Nickelback, and happens to be one of the nicest well-adjusted people I know. Perhaps watching the Notebook has given you unrealistic expectations about men. I don’t blame you; I used to want a manic pixie girl(google it).

I kinda want to hate fuck you.

sounds awesome.

‘retarded’ has a vernacular meaning outside its literal meaning.

Cooool. It’s SO COOL when people who claim the feminist title say ableist, offensive shit! Intersectionality of oppressions my ass, AMIRITE? 

hi Caitlyn thank you for your comment
I am not the philolzophy author who wrote this post and to be honest I personally would not have used such a word if only out of concern that it would be interpreted as you are interpreting it
(not faulting you for your interpretation — that sounds more accusatory than I had intended)
that said could you please read this thing I wrote for another site, I think it maybe explains a bit about the rationale of using an offensive/’offensive’ word in a context like this
like 30,000 people read this blog but I guess maybe we kind of feel like we have established enough rapport to just kind of “speak off the cuff” though perhaps that was a mistake

anyway, here is the piece I referenced http://www.tcdailyplanet.net/arts/odd-future

not trying to “make you stop being pissed at us” or anything just sincerely interested in your/people’s thoughts about this 

hi Jen thank you for commenting
could you please look at what I responded to Caitlyn
I would like your thoughts as well
I mean this sincerely if the not-face-to-face medium makes my tone seem ambiguous 

and it means something to me, actually (different person commenting though I do not negate her original statement)

can you email me/us

I want to hear about your experiences as a “disabled feminist”

one of the best lessons I ever learned about oppression/prejudice was when I made a joke disparaging misogynists to my male advisor in grad school (he was a vegetarian, wife didn’t take his last name, studied Philosophy under James Rachels, aka your average forty-something American liberal) and he said “you know you can’t assume just because you intend not to be offensive/oppressive that you aren’t” and then shared an anecdote about how he used to ask a female departmental secretary to make him coffee because he simply believed this was part of her job responsibilities and only after being confronted by another coworker did he realize that this was potentially offensive and hurtful to her

so I get it

I understand that there is a difference between intentions behind comments and how they are actually judged and at some point one must take responsibility for the interpretation even if unintended

I don’t want you to stop reading our blog but I understand that you feel offended

I hope you will read the other comments I left here and at least engage in some level of discourse with me/us even if you still stop reading

this is important to me

So someone has told you that using that word is alienating and offensive and instead of really responding at all you reply with THAT?

Time for a fucking privilege check. 

hi did you read both comments, I responded thoughtfully, I thought, not sure whose response you are upset about

Question for the author/s?

Would you call something/someone retarded in front of a person with Down Syndrome?

can you please read my other responses I think they are relevant to your (notably rhetorical) question

no, though. no I would not. if I did by accident I would feel really bad

I wouldn’t say it front of most people, probably

once when I was drunk I said it via gchat to someone I really, really respect both professionally and philosophically and also I have a crush on him

I was absolutely humiliated

The rest of these comments are retarded.

How are you so sure that one or more of the 30,000 people who reads your blog isn’t intellectually or physically disabled? 

I try to follow this general rule: if you wouldn’t say that specific word in front of someone who it is obviously targeting/ alienating, then you really shouldn’t say it at all, ever. 

When groups of people are coming to you and are asking you to not use ONE WORD because it’s dehumanizing and hurtful, how hard can that be? I mean, wow, what an easy way to show support and solidarity for a people and/or movement. It’s one word. 

groups of people have not come to me and asked me not to use the word

I mean until now, I guess

I hope you have not interpreted my comments as a defense of using that word in general

was just an attempt to explain her reasoning, I think

would ask her to comment further but she has been asleep for like an hour which is why I am doing the commenting

for the record we don’t ever respond to comments and I only say this because I want you to know this is important to me

I already said “this is important to me” and now I feel like a douche but I mean it

Cool. I really do appreciate your thoughtful response.

ok good

I sincerely value your feedback

I hope you have a good night/whatever time of day it is in your time zone :)

^^for reference smiley not a self-congratulatory response to my (bad) joke just want to attach a positive and affirmational ‘vibe’ to my comments

Thanks for the response. I will send an email your way tomorrow.

hi, great

it’s philolzophy[at]gmail if you didn’t find that somewhere else already

Yeah, that comment was in response to the initial reply which I found pretty dismissive. I mean someone was actually like “hey I’m personally offended by this because of my marginalized experience” and I thought that that half-assed defense for the use of the word was really kind of abhorrent.

yes I understand that

I don’t think it was meant offensively though that’s beside the point by now

sometimes “blog vernacular” can become restricted to a certain ‘voice’/tone which is perhaps what happened/is happening here but regardless as I have explained in previous comments I am responding because it is important to me that our intentions and/or our/my earnest feelings be expressed

inclusiveness is something I think about a lot

Our vernacular is loaded with racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist, etc. rhetoric. And I don’t think that most of these sentiments come from a place of bigotry and/or hate. But I do think that when we flippantly use words like “gay” and “retarded” to explain things we think are dumb, we are perpetuating a culture that values able-bodied/minded individuals over those who are different. 

I know that we can all find ways to express how shitty men who don’t want to date us are, without resorting to alienating a marginalized group of people.

And this is a really fucking awesome article about rape jokes that I found really helpful: http://oforganon.tumblr.com/post/11150747104/to-all-those-men-who-dont-think-the-rape-jokes-are-a

Video games, lame, I agree. They keep people from reading books, writing and hanging out with girls. Yet I would play Wii with my ex, maybe ex, often.

Relationships: we want them, but we don’t want to be yelled out for doing something that the gf is mad abt that we didn’t really mean. We want sex, we want companionship, we don’t want to be yelled at. We’ll play your game for the drug that is sex. Not sure if we all want monogamy.

Guys get “game” by having many gf’s, so… I didn’t have game until, let’s say, 27–this is sad but true. Now I am nice and an asshole. Not that I’m proud of that.

Ed Hardy: douche gear, I guess, never really seen it but as a joke a pro skater wore as a costume on halloween on the Toy Machine Website.

Not sure on the nerdy guy who hates women. Seems reading feminist literature and studying liberal arts would make you sympathetic. Yes women are soft and beautiful and full of temper when you betray the illusion they have of you in their mind. Confused on this, maybe it’s computer geeks with no social skills, not sure.

Now, if I lived in MN and one of you philolz girls were into me, I might be into that. Yet, you use the “R-word.” Srsly not cool.

Shave chest, no. Shaving other things, yes.

And female friends are just backups for when we end are current LTR. And they are nicer and can hold a conversation better than men.

Hope this helped and didn’t annoy.

joking on the “r-word” part lol

Well, I could kinda use a hate fuck right about now.

 So…why didn’t the word get removed?

because the discussion it inspired is and was important, I think
we could have changed it after the first negative comment but that seemed cowardly

You’re operating on the assumption that you’re more interesting than a videogame. As a male, I am operating on the assumption that you’re not.

i have a simple answer for you- 

“practice girl”

Some guys who do not have much self respect and do not get laid on a regular basis due to their own flaws decide to swallow their prides and hook up with girls who are not attractive, solely due to the fact that those girls have a vagina. Because hey, p-ssy is p-ssy,  it’s better than their own right hand.

Plus they get to practice (live experiment) any type of technique they get to use for girls they actually like in the future. 

I recommend you stop trying to understand these guys, but ratger take advantage of the fact that such low lives exist. Use these guys to increase your own “count” so you can self-hypnotize yourself into believing that since your count is respectable, you must be a respectably hot person.

I don’t get why people are getting crazy over your use of the “r” word.. you used it in a different context. I’m a black Canadian girl and I hear whites, asians etc use the word “nigga”… It’s just one of those words you’re going to hear everywhere, don’t bother getting emotional over it. 

correct me if i’m wrong – but this article is a humor piece… aka don’t take everything so seriously, you just sound retarded. 

If you’re even talking to guys who wear Ed Hardy, its you who has the issue girl. Stop dating guys that you find “dangerous” and date the guy who stays up with you all night on facebook talking about your favorite shows. (Protip: he doesn’t like your favorite show, he likes YOU, dumb ass.)

Ha. I’ve always been kind of nerdy (maybe more like closeted geek? Never really identified with the nerd stereotype.) These aren’t in a particular order, because I’m just that lazy ;)

–I don’t hate women, but I do hate a lack of common sense, which is somehow interpreted as sexism even though the gender ratio of my friendships is pretty much 50/50.

–I don’t befriend women on the basis that I wanted to bang them when I saw them. Yay sex, boo complete loss of cerebral bloodflow and subsequent reasoning ability. (<–good rule of thumb to live by, really…)

–lol, most people are drama from where I'm standing (in "just grow up already" land?)

–I'd rather just be myself than watch The Notebook to tell me how I should behave around women, that basically says I used a "chick flick" as a rule book to pick up girls… I had to follow rules to figure out real life… too much of an over-achiever for that..ouch, my puny, scarred ego :-P

–What's wrong with video games? Or girl gamers, for that matter… granted there are a lot of crappy ones (the games, not the girls- though that second one might be debateable elsewhere; I'm not sure ;) ); if they are too flashy/showy/overdone it's like they're trying too hard (again, the games. Mostly it's the fantasy genre that just kind of irritates me, and also if there are way too many guns. You have to know what you like to some extent and shop around because too many guns and ridonkulously shaped characters just is a selling point for hypersexed males…and I'm probably the only straight man to say that, ever, which is interesting because most straight men don't claim to get hard over lots of huge cartoony men with guns or caricatured women in dragon thongs.. or whatever..)

–(re: how I decide who I would/not date, generally): I seem to be attracted to women with my level of confidence and turned off by the ones who automatically assume I'm arrogant because of things like this comment. I am just trying to thoroughly answer questions that so much of society seems thrown off by until I start talking to a wall on the internet, for example. :)