How to Tweet About the Grammys

Make a comment about sexism with regard to red carpet coverage of plus-sized stars’ wardrobe choices.

Make a comment about gender politics because Chris Brown was invited to perform. Make a comment about privilege because Chris Brown performed before Rihanna.

When Taylor Swift turns to the side, express concern about society’s expectations of women when you realize she has the width of a street lamp pole.

Express praise for indie band who has ‘broken through’ with nominations who you feel ownership of because you knew of the band before they were mainstream famous.

Express disdain for indie band who has ‘broken through’ and “totally doesn’t deserve it.”

Comment that a certain female pop star “totally can’t sing” and is “basically just a whore than can dance good.”

Comment that a certain female pop star “can’t dance for shit” and is “so obnoxiously virginal #gag.”

Tie in other current events to make yourself seem culturally aware, like by mentioning that the Beach Boys lineup looks like a Republican presidential debate.

If you’re a gay man or straight girl, talk about all the artists you’d like to see topless. Of either gender.

“Omg…. piiiiiitchy.”

Say you “fucking hate the Grammys” without providing an explanation for why you’re watching them, then.

Question the whereabouts of celebrities who are clearly not present. Suggest collaborations between them. “Really wanna see Britney’s babies do a duet with Blue Ivy Carter with backing vocals by Hanson #based”

Say “who the fuck is Bon Iver” ironically.

Say “who the fuck is Skrillex” unironically.