7 Reasons You Might Want to Break Up With Me

1. I am a crazy cleaner. I clean up after people during parties. I know this is so rude and obnoxious but I just can’t stop myself. I clean every single thing in my apartment on Sundays and it smells like Pine Sol for a few days. I try to balance out the crazyness by not expecting people to match me which means that I clean up after people a lot, which is annoying because it probably makes them feel dumb.

2. I am an emotional rollercoaster. Do you remember that episode of the Kardashians when Kris Humphries and Kim got to Fiji or wherever on this amazing vacation and he was marveling at how beautiful their lil cabin was and Kim was freaking out because they had strewn rose petals all over the room and it was making her really anxious? That is, unfortunately, an all too familiar scene. She should have just relaxed, but traveling is really stressful and I really resonated with her freakout. Sorry!

3. Can’t make pizza. I can feed you something else but I burn pizza every time into an inedible black disc.

4. I won’t let you have any junk. I get really stressed out when I’m in a room that has a lot of clutter or kitchy knick-knacks everywhere. You will have to pare down everything you own by like 70%.

5. I’m a morning person. This is so incredibly annoying, but I just think it’s funny. And I listen to the radio for at least an hour every morning. And between the hours of 12-4am if I’m awake.

6. I think inappropriate things are funny. I’m the youngest child in my family so naturally I think it’s funny to make people get mad about stuff. Kind of annoying. I also laugh whenever I feel uncomfortable, like probably when you are trying to confront me about something serious.

7. I love my friends. There are people sleeping on my couch a lot. And the other lolz doll sleeps in my bed. I’ll find you a place somewhere. No promises though.