On Money

Just wondering why it seems so impossible to have money?

I have a way decent job that pays me more than my bills cost me but I just checked my bank account (like I do everyday at lunch) and realized I won’t have enough to pay one of my bills until my next paycheck. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me and its not a big gap between when it’s due and when I get paid again but I just feel beaten down because I’m an adult and this really shouldn’t happen to me.

Last year my mom was helping me make a budget and relax about having to pay a hospital bill and she mentioned that she and my father stress out about money sometimes. I’m not sure how this escaped me, but I’d never thought about that. I mean, how could people who make as much as my parents do (idk, they are upper middle class and this seems like Warren Buffet level to me) still stress out about money? Maybe I’m not a complete dumbass afterall.

This seems so weird though, because no one talks about it. I will write details of my sex life on this blog but this seems harder to talk about. Why? I think the amount of money I make and the amount and type of money I owe is pretty boringly average. But the level of stress I feel about whether I am an “adult” feels so huge and isolating. Maybe it’s just that I stress out about everything that’s normal but I could not get over how shocking this was to me.

There are two people who author this blog and for whatever reason the other is the only person who’s life I have known the intimate financial details of. Maybe I feel so weird about it because I only have one person to compare myself to? I sit around a brunch table all the time where people talk about blow jobs and yet if feels weird just to wonder how normal my financial life is.