The Different Types of People I Hate on Facebook

Girls with wedding pictures as their profile pictures. You got married three years ago. Sorry nothing else of consequence has happened since then.

The guy who could be hot but his hair is holding him back. Because one day I’m going to get drunk enough to write that on his wall.

People you haven’t talked to in years that out of the blue private message you for favors. Hi, remember me? Will you jeopardize your career for me/write this paper for me/give me some money?

People who send you Farmville/whatever requests? Oh jesus really? I would literally rather suffocate myself.

People who say they don’t use Facebook. I literally see your updates on my dashboard all the time? IDGI.

People who have AN IMPORTANT POLITICAL UPDATE NOW PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN IT WILL JUST TAKE ONE MINUTE. I have compassion fatigue now. Choose your battles.

People who constantly post 7 course meals they just made/Etsy DIY projects/Twee bitches. Feel sad about your hobbies. :(

People who constantly post cliche inspiration quotes. They aren’t inspirational if you need a new one everyday. Also applies: bible verses because you don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Exes. Why can’t you just have the decency to disappear?