Uncomfortable Thoughts I’ve Had Today

My coworker said I’ve “seemed really happy lately”. I’ve taken about 400% more Ativan than usual in the last 48 hours which is still like a laughably small amount of drugs in the scheme of things but I usually hoard it til I’m either unable to sleep or borderline suicidal so taking it on the clock in a mostly positive headspace is apparently noticeable.

If I were ever in a position where I had a right to sue someone I might not be aware that I had that right mostly due to my inability to assertively force others to treat me as I deserve to be treated.

If I get home from work and my cat is dead will someone come over and help me figure out what to do, will that person help me even if maybe he died because he was playing and got a ball of yarn wrapped around his neck and it was my fault for not noticing because I was in bed watching reruns and nursing my post-brunch hangover, or if I overdrafted the Monday before payday and couldn’t afford food but was too proud to tell anyone? How do you bury a cat anyway when you live in a major metropolitan city and he weighs like fifteen pounds?

My armpit hurts and I have a canker sore on the inside of my mouth on the same side, is this cancer of the lymph nodes/soft tissue

Should I have married my ex-boyfriend

Should I have married my other ex-boyfriend

Can people smell me, I couldn’t find my deodorant

I sat crosslegged in my office chair all day and my legs are still tingling hours later, do I have a bloodclot, is my smoking contributing to my bloodclot

What if my car is about to be repossessed, would I know

I don’t think I have eaten a green thing in like possibly ten days but I eat fruit a lot and fiber and protein when I can get it without eating meat. Maybe I should stop eating meat, why can’t I just not eat meat I feel weak and lazy

Today was September 11th and I feel nothing. I hate myself for feeling nothing and also for not knowing what to feel if I were to appropriately feel something. I mean I hate when people die, always. But. People die, always.