Things I’ve Learned

When you are getting ready you should always multi-task by having a shower beer.

You will always feel better if you detail your car or surface clean your entire apartment or wash your sheets. It’s just science.

The way someone acts in their first fight with you is how they will always act with you. If they are more concerned about getting their point across or “winning” the fight rather than making both of you happy, you’re in for a shitty relationship. :(

Don’t pay for cable. Invest in something that lets you play hulu/netflix/youtube on your tv.

Telling someone something clearly (“I don’t want to talk to you anymore” or “I am asking you as a friend, I need you to do this”) is always better than complaining about it later.

No money? Peanut butter + siracha + noodles = cheap DELICIOUS meals. Dump in frozen veggies if you can.

You’re never too old to bring a flask to a bar. Let’s be real I am not paying a $50 tab at the end of the night just too stand/dance in your bar. It’s America.

Never pay a lot for tights, they will always run no matter how expensive they are.

Expensive hair products are worth it, expensive liquors are not.

Just get a subscription already.

If it doesn’t make you happy, stop doing it. Like, if you spend ~2 hours of your workday gchatting your BFF asking “what it means” that he is only texting you in prime number intervals just fucking stop already. Not. Worth. It. YOLO.

Bros before hoes. Once one of my best friends made out with the guy I went on one date with and I just made an executive decision to cut the guy out of my life and get over it. To this day I am so relieved I made this decision. TV tells you girls shouldn’t do this to each other, reality tells me that alcohol happens and a hot guy I’ve known for a week is replaceable, assuming it’s an uncharacteristic lapse.

People with pet lizards are fucking weird.

Rich people usually aren’t good people to have in your life.

Always dance on tables, because one day you will be too old to.

Wear heels and walk around during a phone interview, always have something to hand out at a face to face interview. It makes you feel in control.

All skin problems can be fixed by exfoliating.

When you don’t know what to do, pick one thing and do it. You will feel 10x better.

A hot shower solves everything.