Congratulations, Dick

I have a dream about a new social networking site that’s as big as Twitter and Facebook where when someone wrongs you you put it on their profile. It has their picture and personal information on it and you can say like “this person cheated on me” and they have to be accountable for their actions in front of everyone. Shady people can’t hang out in the dark in the age of the internet!

So like, what I would like to blog about is about this guy I know and it is really killing me not to post his name because I really think he needs to answer to the kind of person he is and face reality, but I won’t. He just got married over the weekend and my newsfeed is all these people talking about how happy he is going to be with his wife. He’s not going to be happy with her though? It’s really fucking annoying.

He met this girl in February one year, about a month after we started hanging out. As of August of that year he was still hanging out with me, this girl, and because it’s his wedding weekend another acquaintance of mine just told me he was trying to date her as well this month.

The thing is, dude is slippery as fuck. I met him right after college where I was super sheltered from shady characters so I had no idea how to judge people in the real world. He talked about being close to his family and bragged about what a nice guy he was and how many times he had bought flowers or done sweet things for his ex girlfriends so I appropriated the nice guy title on to him. I even think he genuinely thinks he is a nice guy.

But, being insecure doesn’t make you nice. Needing attention so badly you regularly carry on somewhat serious relationships with two or more people definitely doesn’t make you nice, it makes you panicked and really fucking un-self aware. It bugs me that this is masquerading as his happy ending, like this girl made an honest man out of him. It’s a show. He can’t keep his nice guy image up if he is a 35 year old bachelor, people will know how damaged he is. I know he’s going to cheat on her again, because he hasn’t fixed the things about him that make him so dependent on affirmation.

I don’t want to be a person that is cynical about the goodness of people. I don’t want to think guys are naturally predatory or shady and I’m kind of pissed off that he is making me do this. But I just want some kind of public record about this real guy that everyone thinks is so nice. He’s using you too.

Embarrassing Moments: 1991-2012

1991: Getting ready for church I picked out my usual six year old outfit: a bright colored skirt and neon shorts underneath. I would throw a tantrum if my mom wouldn’t let me wear a skirt but I also ran around and climbed on things way too much for her to not insist on shorts underneath. They probably shouldn’t have been neon because I went in front of church for kids story time and the entire congregation laughed at me when I sat down and they saw the neon shorts. Rude.

1994: Upon seeing my general disinterest in the cute new boy in class, my friends wrote him a note asking if he liked me too and he wrote “hell no” and threw it away.

1995: While I was rollerblading past the baseball practice of the boys in my class (on purpose) and they started yelling at me about how Marcus wanted to be my boyfriend. Awkward.

1998: I ask a boy to dance and he says no.

2001: I start running around the indoor track after school to have run-ins with a really hot fellow soccer player who lifted weights after practice. He approached me at the drinking fountain and I fell off the table I was sitting at, dropped my CD player (lol) on the floor and just left it there so I could run away.

2002: I was running really fast through a narrow but what I assumed to be empty hallway in the arena after hours and ran full force into my crush and fell backwards. Ugh.

2003: In the always human traffic-jammed mail corridor at my college I again ran full face into someone coming out of a stairwell. Both our arms happened to be extended and we gave each other and awkward hug since we were already there?

2004: Jeans tear in the crotch on an ice-skating date. 🙁

2004: I threw up on my friends floor after a WOP-filled college party.

2005: On a backpacking trip I thought you could drink lake water. After laughing his ass off my friend clued me in and helped me sanitize my Nalgene for the rest of the trip.

2007: My roommate and I went to Target to pick up some things for our house. In the garbage can aisle she began picking out a new garbage can when I told her I thought she already had one in her room and she replied, “yeah but I threw up in it.” A thirty year old man I hadn’t noticed in the aisle burst into laughter. This is being in your twenties people.

2011: After hooking up with the hot friend of a friend I had my eye on at my birthday party, my good friend told me she had *also* somehow made out with him that night? So gross.

2012: Attempt to run across train tracks down town in heels. Fall in front of tons of people waiting in lines outside of clubs. Eh.

Why Does Everyone Have an Opinion about Everything?

I’m really thankful for postmodernism. If you grew up in the 50’s there was a hierarchy to society and you just followed it. You didn’t get to have an opinion, you weren’t encouraged to think outside the box you were supposed to be a preidentified set of characteristics. Postmodernism squashed that hierarchy into a flat line and I’m happy we’re free to be you and me and etc but it also has the annoying side effect of giving people the impression that their opinion is “just as valid” as anyone elses. No.

The major fault with almost everything before postmodernism is that it succombed to traditionalism and the is/ought problem. The wisdom was that if something was a certain way already, that must be the right way of thinking. But just because we are past that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a way to differentiate good thinking from bad thinking. Think about conversations you have about politics and religion. Most of the time people repeat pop sophistry when they talk about these and insist that they are allowed to have their opinion. This is true but having an opinion doesn’t make it good. Your opinion is good if the conclusion follows from the premises.

For instance, saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to gay marry because it’s “against the Bible” is not a very good opinion because not everything that’s against he bible is illegal in the first place and you aren’t asking it to be in the second place. It’s a cherry picking opinion that isn’t true to what you claim your values to be. Next.

I’m reading a nutrition book right now, because I am trying to learn about nutrition and it’s something every person on the planet has an opinion about but no one seems to actually know what they are talking about. So I am suffering through 700 pages of American nutritional history so I can actually learn something real. It’s just, really weird to learn about how many things in our culture are based on misinformation, not science. I guess its just like any other field- religion, gender studies, etc but the standard American diet (the “old” food pyramid with grains at the bottom) are based on a hypothesis that a high fat diet led to heart disease. But in the 30 years of adopting the low fat, high grain diet, heart disease has just gotten more prominent. So we went 30 years without questioning that the first thing people thought of doing when heart disease started being a problem was going to work? I had more faith in scientists than that before.

When is popular wisdom going to stop being based on magical thinking and repetition and start being based on what we really see? Are we really that blinded by predisposition and fear of change? Seems bleak.

BTW the book I am reading is called Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes if you’re interested