Your Google Searches Based On Your Myers Briggs Type

Various hypochondriac health problems
Isaiah Berlin
John Rawls
How to write a Christmas card as a single person
Chai Tea
Should you dump someone if they aren’t perfect?

Why don’t people love each other?
Conspiracy theories
Annie Dillard
Poetry about rain
Theories about puppies

mechanical singularity
weird sex techniques
when is Shark Week?
ironic t-shirts
PhD programs

nothing, I know everything already
memorable Fall activities
help, I’m feeling this ‘bizarre’ human feeling = ‘love’ and can’t figure out how to out-rationalize it
Schroedinger’s Cat and other joyless brilliant people things

how to make a perfect pie crust without burning it
how to artfully fold a napkin
Scrapbooking friends meet-up with quiche
what is a wet blanket and why did my significant other call me that


backwoods trails
skydiving missions
fishing conditions
how to live in the wilderness for four months and not die in the tundra
Timothy McVeigh

master’s of science in engineering
organizational techniques
how to convince a hysterical woman of your opinion
beginner’s guide to… dying alone

how to make every person happy
how to tell if someone likes me
how to host a party without making anyone mad
correct spellings of words to make sure people think you’re smart and interesting (ex: ‘colloquially’)
the name of everyone you’ve just met to make sure you can approximate a meaningful relationship with them the next time you see them

how to start a fortune 500 company
how to start a non profit
how to run a marathon
how to become an astronaut
how to brew your own beer
tantric sex with your lover
should I become gay
eat pray love travel tour with friends and bright colors
warehouse parties
rave drugs
should I sell all my stuff and drink my way across Europe?
am I an alcoholic

how to use my Samsung L310w to achieve maxim brightness in my foggy Tumblr GPOY photograph
film noir
truffle oil
Portland literary magazines
Noam Chomsky
reasons Noam Chomsky is wrong

time management techniques
aerospace engineering
how to be a woman without emotion
moderate political viewpoints
Catholic dating sites
how to run a successful political campaign
love is a foreign language
world travel, by yourself

home decorating
hosting a party
Martha Stewart
crafting tips and techniques
how to have sex when you’re not into it

shiny objects
how to get more attention
dance moves that will get me more attention
how to have more fun
what to do when my free Flickr account maxes out
college majors for people who are artistic but not good at school/art
why doesn’t anyone use MySpace anymore

how to get out of my lease
STD symptoms
how to apologize to a friend after leaving them on a dancefloor
how to convince someone an open relationship is the best model

how to confront people for being 10 minutes late to your dinner party
how to buy a townhouse and then sell it for profit five minutes later
official board game rules
finishing your basement without hiring someone
ideal cabinet hardwoods
local sports team’s stats

50 Things I Care Deeply About

1. My lil doggy.
2. Anyone else’s dog if it looks like mine.
3. My parents.
4. Professional Athletes.
5. The Minnesota Wild.
6. All the characters from the original 90210.
7. The color and length of my hair.
8. The number on the scale.
9. Civic Duty.
10. Your manners.
11. Winning, regardless of the competition.
12. Girl Code.
13. Happiness.
14. Optimism.
15. New York Magazine.
16. Radio Stations.
17. A belief that you have a moral obligation not to be a huge dumbass waste of space.
18. My roommate.
19. The health and happiness of every single contact in my phone.
20. Northern Minnesota.
21. Alone time.
22. Britney Spears.
23. Online magazines.
24. Alt Lit sweethearts.
25. The importance of your perspective.
26. Feminist philosophy.
27. Hillary Clinton.
28. Your stressors.
29. Poetry.
30. The film Legally Blonde.
31. The people my close friends date.
32. My job.
33. That there aren’t enough things you can share or conversations you can have.
34. Print magazines.
35. My iPhone battery life.
36. My TV dad, Ron Schara (and more specifically Raven Schara).
37. Putting your cell phone down when you get IRL with people.
38. Integrity.
39. The proliferation of danceable music + dance bars.
40. That you know how to make and serve a decent salad.
41. Self depreciation.
42. Vulnerability.
43. Whether you like Bruce Springsteen.
44. Fun.
45. Being treated with respect.
46. The healing benefits of car dancing.
47. Anything that feels cathartic.
48. That people who say “that’s just the way it is” need to be dumped out of your life immediately.
49. My best friend’s stupid cat that keeps trying to kill itself.
50. All you dumbies.