This girl we actually both really adore from college put this article on her Facebook today:
Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way
As foreign as it seems to all of you, this is actually the culture we were raised in. Like it is hyper focused on sex and dating- but only to talk about how it’s “mysterious” and “spiritual” and “amazing” once you are married. Until then, you go on fancy dates and talk on the phone but don’t spend the casual couple time together because hanging out at your places of residence leads to sex. Actually dancing leads to sex too. Also, one roommate I had wouldn’t let her fiance make eye contact with me…. cause that leads to sex or something too.
Anyways, what struck me most about reading this was how in the hell we ever became philosophers?
Don’t get me wrong, conservatives can be very intelligent BUT a LOT of the language conservative Christians use is anti-intellectual. Like, this article is so judgmental you can’t even begin to believe this guy is happy. He spends his time calling other people sad and pathetic instead of talking about the actual reasons he is happy with his decision.
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
Okay, I understand wanting to lord your success over people who told you you would fail, but why focus on other people’s sex lives? Does it have to be a contest? Do other people’s sex lives really have to be terrible in order for yours to be good?
When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”
This isn’t an article about why premarital sex is pathetic. This is an article about why your particular decision was awesome… or so I thought.
Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.
The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party. And the morning after? Just another hangover.
I mean, can’t you just relax about comparing yourself to other people?
Your wedding was amazing and special, I get it. Because in your culture it was amazing and special. The wedding he was comparing his to was a couple who had been together long before and to them (and most other people in the land of 50% divorce rates) a wedding is a party. That’s fine. Maybe this couple has some other special tradition, it doesn’t have to be a wedding. My family has an amazing party every fall that is special to me, but I don’t have to just talk about it in terms of how other families must be so sad because they don’t have that.
I mean, this is a silly thing to argue about because it’s clear we just see things very differently but I just think that if you are really happy and satisfied by your life decisions than you talk about them as if they bring you life, not about how everyone else is missing out.